Some things I've learned....

(1) An Engineer can do with 10 cent what a fool can do with a Euro.

(2) "Puff" - unimportant; insignificant; unworthy of study by engineering students; waste of time

(3) It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're stupid than to open it and prove them right!

(4) Blockwork people and concrete people can never work on the same site... Apparently they don't like each other....

(5) It's official; I'm fantastic!

Wednesday 14 February 2007

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 1

I plan to write one of these 'Grinds My Gears' blogs at least once a week, and if not, then every fortnight. For this one, I'm gonna tackle retarded and lame TV programmes...reality TV beware....

Deal or No Deal?

I suppose the question here should be: "'Are you serious' or 'No Really, Are you serious'". I'm gonna have to be critical here, this is quite possibly one of the worst programmes I have ever had the misfortune to watch. Now it certainly doesn't fit into the category of a 'Quiz Show', because the contestants knowledge is never tested, nor does it fall into the 'Skill' category either as no skill is required to play. Yes, in case you haven't watched this disasterpiece, no skill of any sort is required to play, the most brain power required is to make sure you can (a) answer a simple question (Deal or no Deal?...duh!), (b) make sure you have perfect hand-eye coordination when you take a sip of water, and (c) make sure you have perfect balance so you can sit on your chair without falling off.

Given that the aim of the game is to pick boxes, I guess most contestants should be required to be able to recognise the numbers on the boxes. Whichever box they choose, the value of money inside the box is eliminated and cannot be won. Money ranges from 1p-£250,000....yes....a quarter of a million can be one in a game that requires no skill or intelligence. I was privy to watching one episode where the contestant actually won a penny. And, the person who rang up the show (which takes place at the end of each show - the person has a choice of 3 boxes, with cash prizes in them) actually won £2,000. I guess the person who rang up deserved the money, as he/she was required to dial in the correct digits after remembering them from the TV.

There is also another aspect to show in the form of 'The Banker', who offers the contestant a certain amount of money, based on the the amounts eliminated from the previous round and those that are still hidden in the boxes. There is an illusion that the contestant is in a psychological battle with the aforementioned Banker, who wants the contestant to leave with nothing. People on this show have CRIED!

With all the bad-mouthing done and dusted, I do have to confess that Noel Edmonds is a great host, he plays the part well, sympathising with contestants, playing on the Banker's taunts, etc. He even gives the contestant the choice to call an ad-break! The show would be nothing without him...whatever the show has in the first place....

Big Brother

Oh yes, this one is going to get it. This programme, without a doubt, ranks in an uncontested first place for the worst TV programme ever to plague the airwaves. In my opinion, there is so much wrong with this programme that I'm not even sure I could make a coherent argument detailing why it's so wrong. Please forgive me if I trail off on a rant, as I try to touch each aspect of the show I may get pulled to a complete other thing in my rage.

Now, I will confess that I did watch the first EVER Big Brother. Why? Because it was different and new, and this was a time when everyone watched it. It was like any other TV fad, such as Pokémon or Power Rangers (back in the day), everyone our age watched it. But my first problem with this programme is "why" it had to continue for so many times, tossed between normal people (and I use the phrase lightly) and celebrities.

Anytime Big Brother is on the air, its featured in every tabloid, and sometimes even the news (the proper one that is). Why someone would care whether so-and-so had a bitch fight with someone else and had to read it in the news is simply beyond me. It's featured on the radio, and at a battle of the bands I was at last year, they kept people up to date with the eviction results after each act. While I understand that it is reality tv, I must ask does it need to be on 24-7! Those who have Sky Digital or NTL can look at the programme schedule for E4 and will see "Big Brother, Live!" 80% of the time, and the other 20% filled with Big Brother's other programmes, where they discuss recent events in the house, as if it hadn't been discussed enough already on every other form of the media.

The housemates merit enough insult by themselves, more so the celebrities. All we've heard in the last few weeks is how Jade Goody's career is over. I ask you: "What career?". People become famous on this programme who don't deserve to be famous. Take one of the last "famous" Irish people on it: Spiral. First of all, I wouldn't call someone Spiral even if I knew the guy well. Secondly, I'm embarrassed to say that he's Irish, God knows what type of image he presents to the world of the Irish Nation. There have been a host of wasters and weirdos on this programme, all of whom do nothing for their own self image. When you agree to go on this programme, you agree to end your career (if you have one) and make a fool of yourself to the world.

I'm not even going to go into the recent racism argument, but those who said what they said know what they said and meant to say it, claiming they're not a racist now is pointless, they are racists, period.

I don't see what possible entertainment value the show presents, I can't claim to have any interest in watching a bunch of freaks bitch at each other, insult each other and watch them sleep. I'm going to have to end this blog here as my gears have been grinded to the point where they'll suffer from irreparable stress damage. Can anyone recommend a good lubricant for me?


Next Issue: I'm a Celebrity, Celebrity Love Island, Sweet 16


Kevin said...

Here here!

Catherine said...

Hahahaha. You = funny! I agree, especially about Big Brother. Deal Or No Deal is ridiculous, but at least it's usually tucked away somewhere in the middle of the day unobtrusively. Big Brother, on the lámh eile, clogs up the schedueles like there's no tomorrow. Every summer, when the inevitable gang of rejects and attention whores enter the house, I feel a little bit of my soul die.

Ann Marie said...

Don't get me started on big brother.
I really like Noel Edmonds, namely from when I was little watching Noel's House Party ever Saturday night, he's definately the one holding Deal or No Deal together. And thankfully he's rejected there being a celeb version while he's presenting it.