Some things I've learned....

(1) An Engineer can do with 10 cent what a fool can do with a Euro.

(2) "Puff" - unimportant; insignificant; unworthy of study by engineering students; waste of time

(3) It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're stupid than to open it and prove them right!

(4) Blockwork people and concrete people can never work on the same site... Apparently they don't like each other....

(5) It's official; I'm fantastic!

Thursday 13 September 2007

Creating THE EDGE!!!!!!

Ah yes....the time has come. Gather round children, for the knowledge I am about to bestow unto you is that which hasn't been heard by mortal ears for nigh on five years. The Edge. A powerful state of mind, unchallenged by any other form of concentration, the epoch of the human psyche, behold as I share with you how I control The Edge.

First of all, some clarity on the matter.....

This is not The Edge I'm dealing with..

Neither is this.....

Nor is this The Edge.....

If you actually believed that any of the above was The Edge I am talking about, then you truly are blinded, as The Edge has no physical form. Allow me to enlighten your mind.

The Edge can focus your mental capacity and competence to a level beyond anything you will ever have experienced. Imagine being so focused that you can hear a pin drop, smell things before they happen, pick out the defects in a material by the mere touch of your fingers, taste how fresh the contents are of your sandwich and make an exact guess of the cup-size of the girl sitting 10 metres away from you with a mere glance of your eyes. The Edge raises your awareness and mental processing rate to a level only dreamt by Star Trek geeks trying to be like Brent Spiner.

With the power of The Edge, anything can happen (see "The Edgechievements" below).

"But how does one gain the power of The Edge??" I hear you scream. Well children, that is what I am about to share with you. The Edge cannot envelope your mind at will. Regardless of how many times you achieve The Edge, attaining that mental phase again and again becomes no easier. The Edge can only be attained as a need, never as a desire. Whether it is an exam, a sports game or an epic bout of Rock-Paper-Scissors, you can use The Edge so long as you see it as a need.

The first stage in reaching The Edge is to close your mind around you. Preferably do this in a quiet room, but as I've found it works just as well when the room is full of people ("Shut up, Lopes!!" always works for me.) You then need to focus on the goal in mind, be it getting paper when your opponent goes for rock or whatever. Focus on that image and picture it floating in zero gravity, effortlessly in your head. At this stage you should be able to hear nothing but the "woosh woosh" sound of the image floating and rotating in your head. It is essential that your eyes are closed and both your hands double-up covering your eyes. Your head must be facing downwards with your elbows resting on your knees.

When you have achieved this mental state, it is time to reach out for The Edge. Focus on the object, then, imagine that object being sliced by a single swipe of Katana or Masamune. If you can imagine one clean swipe then you are in The Edge, The Edge and you are one, they are you, you are they, roses are red and violets are blue. Watch the two clean cut pieces of the object falling....falling...until BAM! a second swipe cuts them in fours.

Now you have The Edge. Carefully re-open your mind to the world around you, let the murmurs of those around you wondering what the hell you are doing flood your ears. Your focus will be unmatched, there is nothing you can't do.

The Edgechievements

Ever hear of Adam Copeland? No? Perhaps you've heard of a wrestler named Edge. That's him. He discovered The Edge and in honour, he named his in-ring name after it. Now he has a record of more titles than you or I have fingers, toes and thumbs.

David Evans? There's a picture of him above. He discovered The Edge when trying to master guitar, now he's one of the most famous guitarists in the world......

Claude Lee Edge is a former American Baseball player. His real name is Claude Lee, but after discovering The Edge he decided to add it to the end of his name.

I myself have used The Edge on several occasions:

  • When I got 108% in a Chemistry exam
  • Winning Cork and the Sylvestre O'Farrell in SJA
  • When I was training my under-12's football team, they went the whole season unbeaten, in fact, they didn't even draw a game.
  • I won a noughts and crosses competition by simply allowing The Edge to guide my hand.
  • After several years of simply going by "Damo", it was decided that in dedication to The Edge, I would adopt the "The" bit of The Edge and incorporate it into my name, hence I am now known as "The Damo"

Have you got The Edge?

~The Damo

1 comment:

Catherine said...

Awesome post!

I think I may need to use The Edge in the next couple of months.