Some things I've learned....

(1) An Engineer can do with 10 cent what a fool can do with a Euro.

(2) "Puff" - unimportant; insignificant; unworthy of study by engineering students; waste of time

(3) It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're stupid than to open it and prove them right!

(4) Blockwork people and concrete people can never work on the same site... Apparently they don't like each other....

(5) It's official; I'm fantastic!

Monday 10 September 2007

Things You Must Do on the Net!!

I got the idea for this blog when people would often say to me "Did you visit website A and do the B, or what about downloading C & D for you're laptop??" The idea being that there are several things which it's widely believed one must partake when browsing the web. Some are gender specific of course but most would tend to be for everyone!

...And Something For All

1. Download MSN or any other instant messaging program. In fact, anyone and everyone who has a PC should have MSN, full stop.

2. Have (or used to have) an account on the following sites:
  • Bebo
  • MySpace
  • Rate My Teachers (.ie)
  • Wikipedia
  • Uncyclopedia
  • Youtube
  • Google and/or any of its services
  • Amazon
  • eBay

3. Have used Bored.com

4. Used a blog/image storage website

5. Visited ebaumsworld.com

6. Must know what an Explosm comic is

7. Must have watched/heard of a machinima program (eg. Red Vs Blue)

8. Know what a GMG is

9. Download Google Earth

10. Must have illegally downloaded music/movies

11. Have a reasonable knowledge of quick-type lingo for MSN.

12. Visit any of the following: Sky News, RTE.ie, BBC

13. Have any or all of the following programs installed on your PC:

  • Bearshare
  • BearFlix
  • Limewire
  • iTunes
  • An illegal copy of Microsoft Office
  • AutoCAD
  • An illegal copy of Photoshop
  • Recording and/or Movie Making software

14. Join Bebo, then leave, then come back.

15. Must know about web browsers other than Internet Explorer.

16. Must be aware of the top online gaming websites such as mousebreaker.com

17. Know what "vujf" means

18. Visit alluc.org

19. Have a webcam....but never actually use it.

20. Stay up chatting on MSN into the early hours of the morning

21. Contract a virus, then kill it

22. Find something hilarious/disgusting, then email it to all your friends

23. Get someone on Gmail to send you an invite

24. Take part in an online quiz/poll

...And Something for Guys

1. Regularly (or have attempted to) watch pornographic videos/images

2. Read the "Perfect Woman" article on Uncyclopedia

3. Watch or at the very least know about the Paris Hilton tapes

4. Enter any forum that is discussing whether the Playstation 3, Xbox 360 or Nintendo Wii is the best

5. Always download illegal music/videos

6. Know what (. )( .) means

7. Always, always help out a dude in trouble on any website when outnumbered by members of the opposite sex.

8. Know what a MOD means, not the forum kind.

9. Have discussed the possibility of making an online comic or machinima channel

10. Visit screwattack.com

11. Visit totallycrap.com

12. Be able to quick reference to any gaming websites such as IGN.

13. Never go to gurl.com

14. Use smilies only where absolutely appropriate

15. Leap on any mistake which extracts childish and/or sexual meaning from MSN conversations

16. Finish all conversations and comments with XXX when talking to women. Never men.

...And Something for Girls

1. Visit gurl.com

2. Make sure to join in when numerous other women are ganging up on a helpless and pitiful male pig

3. Block any other bitches who piss you off from communicating with you

4. Prove by any means necessary through the web that Men are more evil than Women (see earlier post)

5. Never ever watch pornographic material

6. Upload pics of you and your friends on a day/night out

7. If keeping a blog, be able to write articles that are too sophisticated for men like me.

8. Be able to quickly out smart any guy you are instant messaging

9. Be able to link guys to something that you will understand, but they will be too stupid to even know what the website is about

10. Use smilies anywhere and everywhere

11. Never allow childish and/or sexual meaning to be extracted when conversing with a man (this can be difficult however as the average male is far more aware of childish and/or sexual meaning in a phrase than the average woman tends to be)

12. Wait for the guy to send the first message

13. Deny having downloaded anything illegally

14. Kick me in the balls for suggesting all of the above

Anymore folks?

~The Damo

2 comments:

Catherine said...

Hah. I fit into a couple of those categories. Mostly the girly ones ('cept I've never heard of gurl.com) and the All-Purpose one. Internet Explorer? Firefox all the way, boy.

Damien Kelly said...

Internet explorer is the default, thats why I mentioned it, I never said it was the best.

Yes you do satify the girl ones...I'm especially aware of you're denial of the pornographic content one!