Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 6

This Issue of Grinds My Gears is all about something, which I think it is more than fair to say, affects all of us. Practically everyday it affects us, unless of course for some reason you don't ever watch the TV. I'm talking about those annoying adverts/commercials. Not the good ones....I'm talking about the bad ones!

Originally I wanted to do like a "Top 10 Worst Ads", but as I started to research for this Issue, it became all too apparent that there were so many terrible ads out there, all equally as bad as the next, and I realised that it would be impossible for me to put them in some kind of table. As such, I will give each ad a 'Broken Gear' rating (out of 10). The more gears get grinded, the easier they break. The more 'Broken Gears', the worse the ad. So...let's begin!

Crazy Frog

Without a doubt THE MOST ANNOYING thing (no pun intended, that's his official name!) ever to hit our screens. Thankfully nowadays the Crazy Frog hype has much defused, but I'm told he's still selling records. For some Godforsaken reason, he was number 1 across most of Europe at the time, as well as New Zealand and Australia. How many times was that motherfucking ad on the TV???? I honestly can't tell you. Obviously not enough because even the hallowed Discovery Channel showed it. Right in the middle of an American Chopper ad break!!! Did you know he had three albums? It is simply beyond words how much I hate this character. Did you know he also has merchandise? Toys and video games? And to top it all off, there is talk of a TV series?!?!?!?!?! Sticking with this topic, ANY ad from Jamster or similar companies do my head in. "No, I do not want a Vicky Pollard impersonator as my ringtone, nor do I want a ringtone that simulates an actual phone ringing!” Does anyone actually buy these things? If you do, I will have to shoot you.

There's just too much on this single topic alone, and I couldn't be bothered to go name and shame each one of these mobile companies, just buy one of the cheaper tabloid, they're full of them.

Ad Rating: 10 Broken Gears....simply awful.

Frosties

Now you might be saying: "Hey! There's nothing wrong with Frosties!!!” And I'd say "Yes, you’re absolutely right". They are a great cereal, but let me draw your attention to a few things in the ad. Here are the song lyrics:

They're gonna taste great (x3)
I can hear the sound of Frosties hitting my plate
They're gonna taste great,
With Tony ma mate
Everybody knows Frosties taste great
Even ladies who wait or a pi - rate
And your teenage brother who’s out on a date
If you live in Aus mate
Or the Empire State
Even ladies with person-o-listed number plates.
Or a bloke in a crate
Well he knows they taste great.
They're gonna taste greeeeaaaaaat (x4)

1. Just because 'plate' rhymes with 'great', don't shoehom it into a song about a cereal that is eaten from a BOWL.

2. The irritating kid in general. The haircut, his orange top, blue shorts....nice try, but a Bart Simpson he is not I'm afraid.

3. The hand movement Tony the Tiger does all the time. What is that? He almost makes Tim Westwood (host of Pimp My Ride UK) look credible...well...almost...you know what I mean.

4. There seems to be some kindof anti-women feel here, with reference to the 'person-o-listed number plates, and those who wait (?). Honestly, I really don't know what they're at there.

5. The lyrics are simply god awful.....like my God...just LOOK at them!!!!

The real question is how long it will be until “Greeeaaaaaat!” is replaced by “Grrrr88888t”!

Ad Rating: 6 Broken Gears...not annoying...but God awful.

Shelia's Wheels

What's wrong with this ad? Well...the fact that in the ad they don't wear seatbelts or even hold onto the wheel. Or would it be that at one point they have a squirrel driving the car, which I'm pretty sure can't reach the pedals or see over the wheel. Or MAYBE it's the fact that they are sitting in the backseat for a good portion and are looking directly behind them. As an ad "For ladies who insure their cars..." it's a pretty bad example. They'd want to start fucking insuring their cars if they are going to drive like that. My bet is that they wouldn't get cover...unless it was for Sheila's. They must rack up a couple of claims everyday.

Ad Rating: 7 Broken Gears...simply stupid and that annoying song.

Lynx Ads

Normally I wouldn't complain about Lynx ads, but the whole thing in the new one is just....I mean the woman in it is totally un-sexy. It’s some Spanish/Mexican bullshit that doesn't seem to translate at all into our culture. I'm fully aware that older men are attractive to some but.....God...it's all just wrong. And now everyone is doing the Bom-shicka-wah-wah thing. It's just plain annoying. It also seems evident that Lynx are more into advertising the new way their cans work as opposed to what the deodorant smells like.

Ad Rating: 6 Broken Gears....what were they thinking?
New Maltesers Ad

I'm sure you've seen it. The woman complains she doesn't feel naughty enough after eating the Malteser so she flashes some fella. Because people eat chocolate to feel naughty, obviously. And she doesn't even flash him, she just shows her bra, and the guy goes all psycho jumping over the desk like he's never seen a pair of breasts before and they're something terrifying and new?!?! Sticking with Maltesers, do you know the one where they're all jumping around the city on those red balls....I couldn't find it but sources tell me it was advertising that Maltesers are good for weight loss....what I could remember is that all the women...yes no men were in it....were all in good shape. Are Maltesers trying to hint that they are a women only chocolate??? Bring back the one with the packet on the dashboard or the straw thing...please.

Ad Rating: 5 Broken Gears...not too bad, just asks questions??

Irish Pride Ads

Just a quick mention of these. Am I proud of this brand of bread? No. Is anyone proud? I doubt it. These are the ads where they have attendants carrying the bread out to the car in the rain under an umbrella so they don't get wet. Yeah...those ones.

Ad Rating: 5 Broken Gears....there's only a few of them, but they make us look stupid.

Senokot

The ads for constipation and all that crap. Or even the one for Danone Actimel. The one I'm talking about is where the two ladies are discussing being bloated.

"How are you Sarah?"

"I'm feeling a bit bloated."

Who the hell says that? I ask you. Plus, the idea of two people discussing being bloated is kindof off putting for an ad anyway. And then your one robs them at the end!!! If I was the other one I'd grab that bitch, layeth the smackdown and rockbottom her though the kitchen table!

Ad Rating: 4 Broken Gears....weird and undesirable.

Kinder

The biggest problem with me for these ads is that they are dubbed. Dubbed VERY badly.
Notice how the Kinder (which literally means Child AFAIK) children always look like the result of an Aryian eugenics programme. What do you think? There's also another one where there's this Hippo, and he crashes in on a family's quiet afternoon in the museum. At some point he tells the kids the world is flat....I won't go on.

Ad Rating: 7 Broken Gears....badly dubbed, and just stupid.

The Debt Solvers and Personal Claims Ads

First thing: there are far too many of these ads going around, both the ones that claim to solve all your debt problems and those that make you get money for an accident. They always show them on music channels...which begs the question, why?! People watching music channels are generally younger and don't really care about consolidating their loans and credit card bills into one manageable account with a interest rate higher than the moon. Do we care about Timmy O'Toole’s claim after he fell on a wet floor after having not read the signs? And I'm sorry, but I have YET to be in ANY kind of building where they don't put up 'Wet Floor' signs.

Notice the fact how all these money ads are British....it raises a question...doesn't it?

Not entirely related but also money matters, our own TV license ads. Simply stupid, not believable, etc. Not to mention the acting is terrible, but the 'embarrassment' seems very artificial. And the actual TV license inspector? Seems like he failed the Chief Inspector exam more than one time.

Ad Rating: 7 Broken Gears....too frequent, all say the same thing.

Finally
These last few are just a list of ads that are silly, repetitive, annoying, etc.
Those bloody Vauxhall ads with that annoying pug faced child. I'm sure he knows THAT much about cars, he is after all about 10.

Cilit bang!!!!!!! The remix is top notch ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHGE7bO6Mg8

The “Kandoo” adds, "I can do it too with Kandoo", where a frog wipes his ass!!!! Hilarious!

The Meteor ad with the cats. Like obviously they have such a select group of friends that they ALL are on Meteor AND they ALL have bill-pay. Now that’s very handy indeed.

New Ad for skin care treatment with Jessica Simpson. On every break on MTV, about 4 minutes long. Painful viewing. Go make a cup of tea while its on.

The HB ads with the Goths. I'm not really sure where it's going, like HB is trying to be more with the times.....

That blasted Budweiser ad where those idiots drag a whole heap of crap behind them on their way to a BBQ. It's just stupid. And the newer one with the guy screaming....help me please.

Needless to say, anything that advertises Big Brother in any way, shape or form gets an automatic 10 Broken Gears.

If there's any ad that Grinds YOUR Gears, please leave it in a comment.

Repairing my Gears for the next installment!

~The Damo