Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 17

200th POST!!!!!

I can't believe it's been so long since my last GMG blog. Perhaps I'm mellowing out? Or am simply ignoring things that annoy me? Or is just that I wasn't arsed to type about anything up till now cos I'm a lazy bastard????? I'll let you figure it out...

Regardless - Issue 17 is here NOW!

Is Student Unions, or more correctly how they work. Don't get me wrong now before I start, I understand the benefits SU's have such as book shops, normal shops, exam help services, study services, counselling, health screening etc. but I'm not working up a sweat over those things. It's the other things....

It has been my experience of SU's, and from the people I've spoken to prior to writing this, that in general SU's seem to think they are more important than they really are, specifically when as a naive first year you may be confused into believing that the SU actually run the college. The best example that comes to mind is the elections, which are easily the most farcical (sp?) display I have ever come across. In my three years now there has been no difference in the manner things are run under the SU. The candidates would lead you believe that they are making a difference, as though they are somehow going to change the world. In fact, they change nothing. All they do is occupy a space, carrying out their respective duties, but they change nothing!! Obviously I have a somewhat biased opinion on this matter, given that I'm an Engineering student and the general consensus is that we (Eng Students) have no time for SU stuff (and by that I mean dedicating time to volunteer to work for them).

Don't confuse what I'm saying with societies, where they generally do change with administration changes. I just can't help but feel that the SU (in general, across all 3rd level institutes) is there simply because it can be there, not because it needs to be there. In my three years here I cannot recount one occasion where I "needed" the SU.

Perhaps the most evident example of how little I care for the SU comes in the shape of the "Coke Ban" - and is in fact the reason I'm writing this blog. No, not "coke" as in cocaine, I'm talking about Coca-Cola. It was my understanding upon going to UCD that Coke was banned outright, little was to know that it is in fact only banned in SU shops, and is widely available in vending machines and other shops across campus. The Coke ban is perhaps the most in-effective thing I have ever seen and the recent "scandal" (parenthesis used for good reason) of Coke being sold in a SU shop has only illustrated how sad the whole thing is. This was such an important item that it made the FRONT PAGE (complete with picture) of the Observer. Furthermore, the President said he was "really shocked" upon hearing the news. What had actually happened was a vending machine attendant was filling the machine, had a few cans left over and offered the staff the cans (FOR FREE) to be sold in the shop!!! I mean how sad can people get to feel offended by this. The majority of the UCD campus doesn't even know why Coke is banned in the first place, and if it's "banned" why can we buy it in the other shops. What a fuckin' joke!

The Coke story in the paper summed up and confirmed just how much of a joke the SU are. I can't take them seriously for anything, do they really think they are making a difference? I also highly disapprove of the SU organisation of protests at practically anything and everything that goes on around campus or in Dublin. If it's not about some politician it's about some former porn-star talking to a society about his/her experiences or some other stuff like that. This falls right back into my GMG about protesting, and it makes me wonder do these people have anything better to do with their time??? I have absolutely no problem with protesting for a just cause, and I certainly don't disapprove of a demonstration regarding fees, but if I cared enough I would go of my own free will, not under the influence of emails and texts sent to me or reminded of in person by speakers that it was on and that we should all go!

The fact that so few people voted over the last 3 years in the elections, and that the majority of those who voted were first years further illustrates just how little the student body cares about how the SU is run, and hence it's existence. I'm not saying it should be eradicated, no, that would take away the good things they do, but I do think they should have a serious reality check, and realise that no one cares. The SU are rarely - if ever - going to change how the college works. The college administration run things, not the SU, and they need to realise this - as do young and naive first year students.

If they didn't act like they were running the world and they are the ultimate source of everything just and righteous things would be fine, but they do. If people have a problem with "Shell to Sea" or whatever let them worry about it in their own time, not sending out emails or posters advising us to storm Dail Eireann and piss people off. It should be illustrated that SU's do not speak for all students.

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 16

As you will be well aware, more often than not I try to keep the tone of GMG comical, but on rare occasions I'm called upon to make them more serious. This is such an occasion. A few issues back I made a joke about people complaining, particularly protesters. Now that joke still remains, however the protesters I'm talking about here are of a different sort.....

The Hill of Tara Vs the M3 has been one of the biggest ongoing debates in this year and last year. Most recently, the saga reached boiling point when protesters dug themselves into the ground to prevent construction. THIS is the type of protesting that pisses me off! First of all, look at the map - the M3 goes nowhere near the Hill itself. Furthermore, it is actually further away from the hill than the existing road!! It's this type of bullshit anti-globalisation protesting that is keeping Ireland behind in the world as far as infrastructure goes. We had the same problem with the completion of the M50 a few years back!

Yes as you can see the road goes over historic sites, that isn't denied. But archaelogical digs have been carried out, and all artefacts have been retained and so on. Ireland is an historic place, but we can't sacrifice pots and pans for a badly needed motorway. A poll showed that 90% of the people in the area WANT this road. Furthermore, it was also found that the protesters aren't even from the bleedin' area! They're people with nothing better to do than cause trouble for everyone else. As an aspiring engineer, I can see just how infuriating this type of BS really is! Instead of these people actually going out and getting a job, putting money into the economy, they are instead damaging the economy and wasting tax payers money by not letting people get on with their jobs! They have effectively invaded a construction site - which is against the law - and should henceforth be arrested. The anti-globalistation crap has gone on long enough in Ireland. Only now are we starting to build 100m+ towers across Dublin, namely the U2 Tower, the Point Depot Tower and the Heuston Tower (all below)

People who get in the way of these kinds of things are just asking for trouble. At the Glen of the Downs in Wicklow, people literally climbed into trees to stop construction of the N11, which (now that it is completed) has been a huge success in reducing commute times. We are so far behind the rest of the world in getting our act together on these matters...its actually quite unbelievable. In the time it takes for us to get one project through planning permission, another EU country will have 3 skyscrapers built. It's an absolute God-send that acts are now being passed which will stop vital infrastructural projects like the Metro and future motorways from being blocked. Instead, maybe these people who like to get in the way would better spend their time working. They've said "Redirect the road". Trust me when I say (even after doing brief road design) that it isn't as simple as just "drawing a new line on the map". Do these people seriously think that the Government have purposefully placed the road where it it just to piss people off? No, its there because that's the most economical solution available, avoiding further spending of tax payers money. But alas, since this select group of people not even from the area have decided to hold everything up...tax payer's money is being wasted.

People seriously need a rethink and start cutting the bullshit and let this country move on into the future. Ask any layman and they'll say they couldn't give a damn about this road. And on a personal level I don't really either (I mean I don't live in the area, nor do I drive through that area), but professionally, since it is this sector I'll be working in, the frustration and angst it is causing is unbelievable. A few months back, one student filed a High Court (or Supreme Court) injunction or something like that which has held up progress. Not stopped it, just held it up until it has gone through the courts. To think that an act of one person can stop a whole project is simply unacceptable. Yeah, yeah free-speech and all that but you have to draw the line somewhere. Far more people want this road; particularly those living in the area, and that should speak volumes for how badly it's needed. The Hill of Tara itself will be untouched, and so what if we lose a few stone walls? Dublin City itself must be built on top of historical sites left, right and centre!

So let's cut the crap and get on with moving this country forward!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 15

Sorry about the delay for this one, but I've been fairly busy in college at the moment and didn't have the time. However, with a two hour break on my hand before Mechanics labs, I'm taking the time to give a GMG on something which I think many people have experienced and will agree with me. I'm talking about the World's Worst Company....NTL!

Where to begin... when we first moved to Lucan we had NTL, it was crap. Bad reception, channels coming on and off, no customer service nothing. 14 years later - still the same. If you ring up NTL you have to put up with one of those annoying tunes while you wait to be connected to an operator. Not only do you wait for about 15-30mins, but when you are connected, more often than not the person can't help you with your problem. The fact that you have to wait so long to get through to them is a sign of just how many people are ringing up with complaints!

I'll explain with a personal example. As many of you will know, I spend every Friday, and indeed some Saturday mornings in Walkinstown, in the house my Grandmother owned. She died about 4 years ago now, but we've kept the house for convenience during the school week - I'm avoiding details. ANYWAY, around November/December we noticed that the TV reception was totally gone, the only stations we had being RTE 1 & 2, and even they were pretty bad. Initially we thought we had forgotten to pay a bill - as I said no one is living there on a regular basis, so a bill could've been overlooked. So, we rang NTL, and after the mandatory 15 min wait we found we had paid the bills - therefore it was a technical problem.

With that in mind, we rang NTL a week later to arrange for a technician to come out. We were told he'd be there on Monday between 1.00pm and 5.00pm, an EXCELLENT timeframe (end sarcasm). Why they can't be like SKY and actually tell you EXACTLY when the technician will be there is beyond me. Nevertheless, he amazing arrived at 1.30pm and told me he'd have to send out a repair team. Don't ask me why he couldn't do it. I was told they'd be there tomorrow morning; that being Tuesday morning. The following day, I waited from 9-4.30 for the repairmen to arrive. Guess what? They never came! We rang NTL that evening to ascertain why they hadn't shown up to be told that no team had been scheduled for that repair, but we would be contacted when they were.

Thursday I fly over to Walkinstown to pick up my sister from school and lo-and-behold what should I find in the postbox at the house: a call card to say a technician had arrived but we hadn't been in! The mother f'ers! We rang them up later to express our dissatisfaction! I mean how FUCKING bad is that type of service!

In the time we've been SKY customers in Lucan, we've only ever ONCE had to call someone out, and that was to install another Minibox in another room. Perfect picture quality, huge range of channels, excellent customer service (when you ring you get an answer and they can help you!) and just an all round fantastic service. It is amazing to see NTL still functioning as a company. A few years ago we received a letter from NTL saying they were taking us to court for not paying years of our bills on our service. The thing these jackasses had failed to notice was that during those years we had been on SKY, and had disconnected their NTL service. The fact that they didn't even notice that is further evidence of how bad they are. Needless to say an apologetic letter from NTL ensued.

What's the message I'm trying to put across? AVOID NTL AT ALL COSTS!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 14

Hello 2008! A new year merits a new issue of Grinds My Gears, and I thought I'd cover a topic that is not only close to my own heart, but (I'm quite sure) is close to everyone else's.....

Do you actually want to know what grinds my gears? Well do ya? Yeah? Well guess what, it's people who complain!!! I mean come on, complaining has got to be one of the most annoying things ever. And we ALL do it! Everyone needs to have something to complain about, and there's some people who aren't happy unless they are complaining! They probably annoy me most, but I also don't like people who don't complain enough cause chances are they're bottling it up and then one day will explode all over your ass and then you'll complain about them complaining and that usually puts you and them in bad moods, who will brush off that negative emotion on other people, resulting in a slow and negative spread of the complaining and bad humour like some kindof virus, ergo if its a virus then its bad, and so complaining is bad!

Complaining... let's look that up in the dictionary:

1. to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault: He complained constantly about the noise in the corridor.
2. to tell of one's pains, ailments, etc.: to complain of a backache.
3. to make a formal accusation: If you think you've been swindled, complain to the police.

More often than not people complain regarding definition 1 above. There's many other words which are frequently used instead of complaining: bitching, moaning, pulling out of one's arse, whinging, nagging, grumbling, bitching, etc. More often than not "complaining" (the verb, not the word itself) is most commonly associated with young people. I mean let's face it, young people can be bitches when it comes to bitchin'! I'm allowed say that since I'm nearly 19 and won't be the half-teen half-adult age of 18, where you're simply just a baby adult.

What right do people have to complain, most of the time it's about stupid bitchy stuff like Paris Hilton, or people on the bus, or stupid TV shows or something. Why can't people complain about serious stuff like War, Famine or whatever. Of course there are people who think they're complaining about serious stuff, they're called "Protesters" kids. They think that what they're doing is complaining about something serious but in reality they're just a nuisance, stopping traffic or boycotting some product or something. All they're doing is slowing down the economy and giving other people something to complain about, meaning they will then complain about protesters by protesting and hence will piss off other people who will complain and the whole thing will eventually come full circle.

It's interesting that the things people complain about is rarely gender dependent. Men complain about women and women usually complain about men. They only time you'll have men complaining about men and women complaining about women is if they're gay. Wait.... strike that, women always complain about other women, it's one of their favourite things to do. And in fact.... men never bitch about other men. It's a simple case of buying the bloke a beer and things usually work out. If not, a bloodthirsty battle in the gladiator arena usually settles the score should absolute clarity on the issue be required (and in that case the dispute is usually over a woman, hence satisfying condition 1 of men bitching about women). You never see women settle they're differences like that, they just keep it to themselves choosing to bitch about someone in secret, and they never want that person to know. LOOK AT ME!! I'm doing what I just described what men do, I'm complaining about women! Maybe I'll dedicate Issue 15 to that topic...

So enough of women for now... how does one go about complaining?

Firstly, its essential and I mean essential that you find something to bitch about which you feel absolutely passionate about. There's no value whatsoever in moaning about something that you don't feel for. Once you've got that you have two choices: (a) research the topic to ensure that you can make a carefully constructed concise complaint or (b) do absolutely no research whatsoever and let your deep rage on the matter form the basis of the argument. After that is decided you need a medium to effectively transmit your argument. The internet, a public forum(particularly if you're live on TV or receiving an award in front of a crowd or something cause you have SO much power at that moment!), a newspaper or anything like that is ideal. Finally, decide the basis for argument: personal experience or no experience and just think you have experience and hence justly complain about it.

Speaking about that briefly, is there anyone who can justifiably complain? Well kindof, if say a guy gets his penis cut off, he can rightly complain about having his penis cut off. Realistically, one can only complain justly about something if it is "out of the norm", like in the above example. Complaining about "the traffic" for something isn't justified, because it happens to everyone, its an accepted way of life. HOWEVER, if you are sitting next to a woman on the bus and she decides to plop out her enormous left breast right beside you so she can feed her child then YES you can complain justly!!!! (That last instant was me, see a previous issue of GMG for further information) Goddamn, I'm complaining about women again!! Really though, I love ya's so don't take it to heart....

Finally then, what's to be done about all this complaining? How do we smote the complainers, cripple the bitches (not women, I mean those who complain!) and decimate the bemoaners?

I say we lock them up together, then they can complain together, no doubt about their predicament of being locked up together. And of course we should separate men from women, not in attempt to deny them sex or anything, but then they will we want to be able to moan about the opposite gender amongst their fellow brothers and sisters in privacy...of a sorts.

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 13

Catherine said I had to update my blog, so today I thought I'd post up all the stuff that I'd wanted to post (including about 4 or 5 posts below this one). If she keeps it up though....she'll be getting a GMG all to herself soon! (Only joking!)

Anyway, I've been wanting to publish this issue of GMG for sometime, and it was only after I came across some videos on YouTube, which are available at the bottom of the blog, that I really encouraged myself to get on and type it up. Of course, I recommend you watch those videos after reading this.

So yeah, anyway, you know what grinds my gears?? Well do ye? The British Media! Those regular readers know that I don't appreciate the British Media at all, especially in regard to its coverage of Madeleine McCann (which Sky News has now removed from its site, YAY!) and Princess Diana, but this also extends to sport.

I think the issue which pisses me off most is that they will cover any story like this to no end, clogging up the TV when other minor stories get a little snippet (the Sky Sports News one best shows this). Take the Canoe story at the moment. You couldn't not find this story on Sky, at least the BBC did some different stories, I mean Sky were interviewing former co-workers and everything!! And don't get me started again on the McCanns and their bleedin' family friends!

Another thing that annoys me is the shear arrogance (probably isn't the right word) of the British Media regarding their sports stars. Remember Paula Radcliffe who "collapsed" during the marathon in Athens? Well Sky spent the whole week coming up with reasons as to why she gave up; the road was too hot, the race was too long, there were too many other athletes etc. Why can't they just admit she was CRAP! Or take Lewis Hamiliton this year, they were complaining that Alonso and Spanish Formula 1 board requested that an independent investigator be present at McClaren to make sure Hamiliton didn't get any preferential treatment. COMPLAINING!! It's all well and good to wish your stars good luck on TV, but to try and downplay a very legitimate request regarding a British driver on a British team is unnacceptable.

Before England failed to qualify for Euro 2008 this year, the English Panel would refuse to admit that there team was shit. We knew it over here, the whole of Europe new it, but the English panel felt they had a divine right to be the be the worlds best. I cannot describe to you the satisfaction I felt seeing Croatia score that 3rd goal, and credit to the BBC, there panel had the balls to say they were crap, but that still doesn't account for the years and years of rubbish we had to put up with.

The same goes for Rugby, no sooner had South Africa won, than the article on Sky Sports went up, criticising the decision to disallow the try that might have won England the game. Or most recently, in the Hatton Vs Mayweather fight, it was very interesting to read that the referee "favoured" Mayweather and didn't allow Hatton to get into his stride, whereas on RTE.ie, the referee had to "work hard" to keep the match clean and fair.

The shear ignorance of the British Media seems to know no bounds, and that is why I have the following two videos below.

First, is Apres Match's play on Sky Sports:


Second is called "Channel Hopping" where it illustrates the difference between English and Irish coverage of the English Team:


And finally this one, it has nothing to do with the blog but its just funny!


Okie Doke, huh LIVE!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 12

The results of the poll are in and the Leaving Cert takes the 1st place just ahead of a certain someone for the point of interest of this the latest issue of GMG.


Ah the Leaving Cert. The bane of secondary school boys and girls everywhere....unless you dropped out of course. Every civilised nation in the world has some form of 2nd level education exam, and by right they should have it, but there's several things about our hallowed Leaving Cert that pains and pisses off so many young people in Ireland.


Having gone through the whole process and now having sat an array of college exams, I can confirm what many teachers say and that is "YES, The Leaving Cert is most definitely the most stressful and painful examination experience you will ever face!"...for real.


Generally speaking the idea that you do 7 or 8 subjects and you're overall points is calculated from your top 6 is a good one, as is the idea that you earn points for which course you apply to go on, because we all know that the points system - whilst very challenging and stressful - is in fact the fairest way to allocate places. It's anonymous, represents you're academic ability and eliminates any nepotism or alteration of marks and results.


The problem however is that you have to do 7 or 8 subjects!! Take England for example. In the A-Levels, you study 4 subjects (for the equivalent of 5th year) and then drop 1 to mean you are examined in a grand total of 3 subjects in final year (though you may continue the 4th if you wish). Not only that, but to achieve an A Grade, you just need to pass the A Grade Paper! If you want a B, pass the B Grade Paper and so on. So the Highest score someone could get in the A Levels would be A-A-A-A.

The workload of 7 subjects is incredible, especially should you get to college and see that 6 subjects is far more managable. I could go into 8 subjects but really, you don't want to know what that's like!!!! Not only that, but the exam levels are unreal. There is NO comparison between higher and ordinary level in ANY regard. Yes the points of obtained represent this but it means that ordinary level is mostly opted for because it is the easy way out and students who are too lazy to make the effort at Higher Level just drop, not necessarily because they are genuinely finding it difficult, though that does actually happen. There are far too many courses which are concerned only on getting the points and not caring about how you obtained the points. Thankfully, I can say that Engineering DOES in fact require Higher Level Maths, why, because you need a good work ethic to be an engineer and higher level maths is a true test of work ethic.

There was a time when Ordinary Level was only allowed for students with an actual mental disability, and Higher Level was mandatory for everyone else.

Like I said, most courses don't care how you got the points, and I feel this is an unfair representation of someones ability. For example, if you want to do an Engineering course anywhere, you should (along with the 3 core subjects) have to do 4 of the following: Physics, Chemistry, Applied Maths, Technology, Tech Drawing or the self-entitled course Engineering.

Why? Because these are the essentials of Engineering and hence have you well prepared for whichever college course you undertake. Getting there by doing Home Ec, any of the Business subjects or History and Geography isn't a just method. I'm not saying that those subjects are easy under any regard but you get the idea. If you want to do arts then do History, Geography etc, there's no value in you doing one of the sciences!

The fact that we have 7 subjects also introduces another problem. It allows students to "lie back" on one of the subjects, i.e. not bother working at it. I've heard this too many times and on an equal number of times I've seen those same students face the realistation that one of the subjects they were "banking on" didn't go as planned, and so instead of having 6 really strong subjects with 1 left to the side, they are left with 5 subjects and 2 that look bad. And it could be worse, no one knows what way the papers will go on the day! How do we solve this problem, do we drop the maximum number of subjects to 6, thus allowing the students to focus directly on the task at hand and then also free up their timetable for more classes or more study periods? It would certainly reduce the workload, thus allowing more study time and less stress.

Speaking once more of stress, the actual exam days are a nightmare. Now I'm not talking about whether you've adequately prepared or not, I'm talking about the physical strain on both body and mind. 7 and a half hours of English (of all things) on Day 1 is too much. And it means that you spend more time preparing for English than you do for Maths and Irish on the following days. Thankfully the Minister has said that English will now be sat a month before the actual Leaving Cert exams, but what's the result of that? That teachers now have to finish the course earlier in preparation for that earlier exam!

All said and done, once you've finished you'll never have to experience the likes again, but serious change needs to be undertaken to reduce the temporary mental and physical damage this unloads onto people!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 11

Well after the harsh - yet necessary - tone of my last Grinds My Gears, I felt it was necessary now to lighten up things slightly, and bash the hell out of something that is on the mind of Irish fans all across the country......

Namely are underperforming, pansey-faced, wasters of national teams. Most importantly the national Soccer and Rugby Teams. We have many people who do our nation justice in the world, like Padraig Harrington, Darren Clarke, Paul Mc Ginley....wait...they're all golf players. Does that mean the only sports personalities we can be proud of are golf players?!?!?!!?! It would seem so....


Anyway, to the issue at hand....


Some facts for you first regarding our national teams:


Soccer


Currently ranked 32nd in the World FIFA rankings, we have finally overtaken Northern Ireland who are now in 36th. Our best position was 14th from the 2002 World Cup. Interestingly enough, we haven't qualified for a single European Championship since Euro '88 and failed to qualify for last years World Cup in Germany.


Rugby


Currently ranked 6th in the World, one ahead of England and one behind France. Our best position was 3rd which we held this time last year after impressive wins over Austrailia and South Africa. Our best position in the World Cups has been the quarter finals. This squad of players is heralded as the most talented side we've ever had.


Now the reality.....


Our soccer team is so bad, and underperforming so much that words cannot describe both my frustration and disappointment from the previous two games. Given my recent experience at the paintball range, getting hit square in the love spuds by a paintball, I'd rather do that again than face the horrifying display we put out in international games. When one looks at our squad we see most players play for Premiership clubs, and a handful of Championship clubs. By right we should have a very high standard game, but sadly, we don't. The press builds the team up to the point where they believe (and hence convince the public) that we (Ireland) are one of the best in the world (like fuck me are!). There is some kindof illusion that Ireland is capable of beating teams like Germany and Czech Republic. No. We can't, they are better, always have been, always will be. The longer we keep on this path, the closer we become more like the British Media (yes, that will be a later GMG). The fact that we are ranked 32nd is no reflection on this teams standard. The actual group table does us more justice than it really should. We are crap, that's the bottom line. I don't aim all the blame solely on Steve Staunton's shoulders, though he does deserve some of it. When push comes to shove it's the players on the pitch that are at fault. Yes players like Kevin Doyle and Robbie Keane are great when the play in the Premiership, but that's because they are playing for high quality teams. The Irish International team doesn't come close.

Is there a solution? Unfortunately at the moment I can only answer "No". The problem is on the pitch, and only the players can redeem themselves. Let's face it, qualification for the Euro's is nigh impossible at this stage. All we needed from the Czech and Slovakia games was 4 points to give us a decent chance, and instead we return home with only 1. Steve Staunton isn't responsible for exactly how the players perform on the pitch, but he is responsible for choosing positions, and quite frankly playing Kelly as a left back when he's a right back and not playing Stephen Hunt instead of Kilbane is just asking for it.

The reality of the Rugby is almost as bad. At one stage, the Rugby squad was the pride of the country. 3rd in the world, Triple Crown titles back to back and for the first time ever ranked as favourites to win the Six Nations. Yes, we did quite well in the Six Nations, and lost out by the skin of our teeth to France at the end of the hunt, but nothing...and I mean NOTHING, could prepare us for the disaster that was the World Cup which followed.

The media had christened our group as "The Group of Death" and justifiably so, given that ourselves, France and Argentina would be battling it out for the top two spots, each country ranked 4th, 3rd and 6th in the World respectively at the time. Expectation was naturally high given our performance in the Six Nations...but oh my how wrong we were. Namibia...utter disaster. Yes we won the game, but far from convincingly. We were assured by the squad that there'd be no repeat come Georgia. Once again, disaster, so much so that we almost lost the game save for a last minute failed try by Namibia. The problem was grave from the beginning when Argentina beat France, meaning we then had to beat both of them to top the group.

Following the superb performances by France and Argentina against the Georgians and Namibians, the harsh reality of Ireland's lacklustre performance was clear. We should have just failed to turn up for the French game. We were so bad that night, that the only thing I can remember was going "*sigh*" every five minutes. So many mistakes, so much bad everything!

Now I realise that tomorrow is the Argentina game but we genuinely have no hope. Not only do we have to beat them, but we have to beat them by seven points AND score at least four tries!!! EVEN THEN we'll only finish second in the group meaning we'll have to face New Zealand in the quarters, and by God we should just pack our bags then. With the way they've fallen from grace it's too hard to even watch them anymore....

Why can we never win??

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - The Vote

For the first time ever...and hopefully not the last, I'm putting the next issues of Grinds My Gears to the vote. Now I know most of my blog readers don't have an account...which is fine, because no doubt I'll ask you in person or over MSN or something.

So, if you would please, pick out the top 3 topics you would most like me to get gear grinded over from the following list:

The Leaving Cert
The Irish Language
Microsoft
A Particular Person or Celebrity (Please Specify)
A Particular Aspect of Our Culture (Again, specify)
The Opposition Parties
Me...again
Bebo
Or in fact any one thing you'd like me to have a go at.

Hell, if you want I'll write a Grinds My Gears just about YOU!!! You saw how well I wrote the one about myself.

Just because I look like Herman Munster's stunt double, doesn't mean I can't appreciate fine art!!!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 10

I've finally reached my first milestone in the Grinds My Gears catalog. The big ONE-ZERO, Issue 10...wow! Double figures at last. Sadly, the momentous occasion of this issue is spoiled by the topic I've had to choose to write about.

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog entitled "Time to Let It Go". At the time of writing that, none of the recent events in the Madeleine McCann case were in circulation, but aspects of the case were slowly beginning to wear by abrasion my gears. Almost everyone in the entire world is aware of how this case is panning out (except Americans because they believe the only news in the world is their own, and people in Antartica) and now aspects of this case are starting to get to me.

Those of you who are familiar with my GMG blogs know that I often take a humourous approach to these things, so this one might seem a little different because of the serious matter involved.

I started considering to write this when I learned that the McCanns were initially proposing to pay for their legal fees out of the "Find Madeleine" fund they had started. This in its own right is just out and out wrong, and the suggestion of such a thing pisses me off. People donated that money so they could fund efforts to find their daughter, not so they could clear their names - a job which seems to be becoming a very difficult task indeed - and the money was donated at a time when the whole world deemed the McCanns to be a 100% completely innocent element of the case. We all know that things have changed now. Some time after it was revealed that they wouldn't be dipping into the fund to pay for legal costs. Whether this was so they could redeem themselves somewhat or on advice from their lawyers, no one knows.

As most of you know, this fund has been in existence for some time, and the money in the deposit has been sitting there for a long time aswell. Isn't is coincidental that they announce plans to spend £80,000 (out of 1.2million) on a new advertising campaign, days after they tried to use the money for legal fees? What I don't understand is the necessity of putting up these posters. The whole world knows what the poor girl looks like. Posters won't bring her back.

Another thing about this case which annoys me is the extended family. How many times have we seen/heard family members on Sky News attempting to clear Gerry and Kates names by telling us all that the Portuguese Police are incompetent? There are far more clever ways to help make someone look innocent than bitching about the Police. What's worse is that early in the case Gerry was quoted as saying "We (our family) have full faith in the Police", is that the case now? If they're adamant to help clear their names, why not cooperate and give them the laptop and cuddle toy. Also, any innocent man who says: "Find the body and prove we killed her" is no innocent man.

When visiting Sky News.com, I came across an article in relation to the case which I hadn't been aware of. The McCanns want the media to go away! Now excuse me if I'm wrong, but I do remember that same family using every possible media available for the previous 120 days before they were named suspects. And now they want them to leave them alone. You can't just switch the media on and off to suit your needs! How can they expect the media to go away when they do nothing but criticise the Police, and have family members and friends on the TV proclaiming their innoncence? Honestly, they'd be better not saying anything.

To make matters worse, celebrities are now on the "Clear the McCanns" bandwagon. Richard Branson is donating £70,000 to pay their legal fees. What the hell has he got to do with any of this? And he's asking other celebs to join in!!! Why should the McCann case supercede all the other thousands of missing children in the world? The McCanns got themselves to this spot in the first place and they should get themselves out. How can the public be expected to still have sympathy for them when they keep changing their stories and so much potential evidence is now turning the case against them?

The fact that they left 3 kids under the age of 4, alone in an unlocked apartment is dodgy enough. Staff at the restaurant said they didn't check on the kids every 20mins like they said they did. All this stuff about sedatives and sniffer dogs, body fluids and diary entries, it's all turning the tide against the McCanns, and I'm somewhat encouraged by the Sky News Forums that there's a multitude of people who express the same opinion as I do.

We need closure on this issue fast, because this case will never go away otherwise. The public has a right to know what exactly happened that night on May the 3rd after all the stories we've been exposed to. What parents deem it necessary to visit the Pope, or travel to other countries to promote their missing child when the time would be better spent physically searching themselves, knocking on doors, asking people in the area etc. The issue has been raised countless times as to why we've never once seen either of them shed a tear, what with all the exposure we've seen. We all know at this stage that this family can never return to normal life, with or without Madeleine. Depending on what the Portuguese Judge makes of it, a charge may or may not be made, and then we'll never know what part - if any - the parents had to play in their daughter's disappearance.

Am I right in thinking they're Guilty Until Proven Innocent?
-Note, I'm not saying innocent until proven guilty.

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 9

In all these Grinds My Gears posts, I stick very closely to not mentioning people in particular, notable exceptions include Paris Hilton and the brief reference to the 'RTE Panel' and that darn columnist from the Leinster Express. But up till now, I've never mentioned anyone that I know, but now my friends....that time has come....Behold!

These are various images of the said person I'm about to give a right trashing. As you can see, his physique and looks change drastically.

I'm going to do my best to keep this guy anonymous, but he's up to so much now, that I just can't keep it in anymore. If you see him, give him a good hard potential energy converting to kinetic energy kick in the balls from me.

Where to start? Let's take you back to 6th year Chemistry, the cheek of him to get 108% in an exam. How dare he??? Like if he's going to do the impossible he should at least tell us beforehand. Sure he might own a multi-million euro business empire, but thats no reason to hate him is it? So what if he started a war in Yemen, and wreaked havoc across the French countryside, poisoning the maize and wine crop.

Well I'm going to tell you what pisses me off most!! First of all, that dress sense, shirt and jeans....where the hell did he get that from? Not to mention the fact that black and black doesn't go together, neither does a slightly patterend blue and white shirt go with bluey jeans, nor does khaki trousers go with a beize and white shirt... Never! At least my dress sense is better than his!

Now let's get on to his blog, cause I have a lot to say. First of all, he regularly posts the AVGN videos, which unfortunately I have to admit I'm grateful for, since the Nerd stopped posting on youtube and this guy seems to have the right links to all the videos. Put what DOES piss me off, is that he has the nerve to write up blogs about stuff that pisses him off, I mean who does he think he is? Secondly, most of his blogs are WAY too long, and he usually goes into too much detail. That's another yoke I can't stand about him, he always looks into everything, and works stuff out in his head to the Xtreme, postulating all known probabilites and possibilities. And another thing, why does he always sign off as 'The Damo', who has the right to put the prefix 'THE' before their name, only The Queen, and The President or The Silent Assassin is allowed to have something like that. He also has those stupid little one line pieces before the end, like their lyrics from songs or words from a TV programme or something!

What's more, he always signs off comments in blogs or the final message on the phone with XXX. Who's he trying to fool?? We all know this guy has no sense of affection or anything like that, not to mention he seems to be void of all emotion except for rage...as in his blogs. And what's with all the Red Dwarf stuff anyway? It's not even funny, it only had 8 seasons, 64 episodes, a huge fan base and an International Emmy award for Season 6. All the cast are washed up has-beens, two have their own shows on Discovery Channel, another's in Coronation Street and another is in movies.

And why does he listen to metal music? Metallica and Megadeth, not to mention Iron Maiden and Pantera aren't even that good!! It's just the same crap all over again, them and their anti-religious vibes, satanic worshipping metal heads.

Now let's get on to people!!! Cause this has got to piss me off the most! All he does is chat to them, listen to what's on their mind and help them out if their troubled by something!!! He always bleedin tries to lighten the mood or end awkward silences and he'll always help out someone in need! Who's he trying to fool? Who wants someone to text them wishing them a happy birthday or invite them out for some drinks? Honestly, this guy has to get his act together. Why does he even bother to compliment people? He's too selfless and considerate...you know what, I can't write anymore or my head will explode.

What the hell is THE EDGE that he's talking about over on the right anyway????

~Anonymous

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 8

*EDIT: Blogger had disabled me from posting for a few days for some reason, so some areas of this blog will be out of date, this was intended to be published Saturday the 25th.*

This is kindof a follow up to my previous post. As many of you will know, Dublin are playing Kerry in the All Ireland Semi-Final tomorrow (this blog being written on Saturday and currently I'm disabled from posting so by the time this is in fact posted the Dubs may have lost!!).

Anyway, I've spoken muchly about the anti-Dublin vibe from RTE sport, but it's no secret that this opinion exists outside of the RTE media.

Only yesterday, in the Friday issue of the Herald, there was an article written in response to an article published in the Leinster Express (a Laois newspaper), urging their countymen to support Kerry in the clash, and it gives seven reasons why you should not support Dublin:

Reason 1: Dublin are neither good winners or losers (see Leinster final Vs Laois). Could you imagine what they would be like if they won.

My Response: It's understandable that the honourable Laois gentlemen is a little bitter. Dublin gave the Queen's county boys a nice trashing in the Leinster final. The victory was made all the sweeter for the Blues as in a space of 5 minutes, Laois went from being a goal ahead, to more than two goals down. The gentlemen is also annoyed at the fact that Dublin are now on a run of 3 successive Leinster titles, beating Laois in 2005, knocking Laois out in the first round in 2006 with a 3-15 to 0-9 (I believe, it could have been anywhere between 3-12 and 3-18) and then beating Laois this year by almost the same margin. See any trend why this Laois reporter may write what he does....

Reason 2: Kerry fans are likely to be there on time, Dublin fans are more likely to cause a delay because Man Utd are playing Spurs on Sky Sports.

My Response: Yes in the past Dublin fans have delayed kick-off, but not this year. This remark also suggests that the 50,000-60,000 Dublin fans all support Man Utd or Spurs. It's interesting how the columnist hasn't yet suggested that his fellow countymen should support Kerry because they may perhaps be the better team....

Reason 3: If you're nice to Dublin fans, they'll probably come and visit you and drink all your cider. Because of the motorway, they're only an hour away.

My Response: Eh...yeah. I think he's really trying hard now. Is he trying to say that Dubs are the only guys that drink, or is he moaning because all motorways lead to Dublin. Honestly man. This must be a country thing because I don't see what this has to do with anything, and more to the point I don't see why any Dublin support would drive to the country to get a pint when there's pubs 360 degrees around Croker.

Reason 4: Kerry think they have a divine right to win because they're good, Dublin think they have a divine right to win because they're Dublin.

My Response: This suggests that Dublin aren't a good team. But as I've pointed out already, any team that wins 3 successive provincial titles and reaches the semi-final stage 2 years in a row IS good, whether he wants to admit it or not. As I've said, it's understandable given that Laois have failed to beat Dublin in years....

Reason 5: Not a reason, but the article pokes fun at the current crop of Dublin players comparing them to classic Kerry. Unsurprisingly the article seems to avoid mentioning Dublin All-Star players like Bernard and Alan Brogan, not to mention the cream of the Blue Squad at the moment like Ciaran Whelan or Mark Vaughan.

Reason 6: The article blasts "Paul Caffrey's 'look at me and me lovely family'" pose at the end of every game. The columnist writes that Laois were fined for bringing children onto the pitch in 2003. Yeah, mate. It's a little different when the run of the mill Joe-Mo brings little children onto the pitch at the end of the game when about 6,000 other adults are charging the pitch aswell. The Paul Caffrey thing he is refering to is when his son runs up to him at the end of the game win or lose. The verdict: pure JEALOUSY. He's basically blasting the Dublin Manager because he wants to celebrate a win with his SON. Grow up man.

Reason 7: The article makes reference to a previous Laois article regarding Dublin, quoting that they are arrogant, and it's a thrill to beat Dublin, especially in Croke Park. Excuse me but does that not sound awfully familiar to the first comment, citing Dublin were bad winners and losers. That sounds fairly like the words of a bad winner to me... (not that Laois have had that experience in some time).

It's evident how this article can infuriate a Dublin fan like myself. It comes from the same newspaper that in the previous year wrote that the Dublin team and fans were a "shower of pansies", and were the only players in the whole championship that wouldn't forget to bring "their hair gel and wax" to the dressing room. Dublin's response to those remarks was of course the delightful trashing in 2006.

In another similar article, a Leitrim columnist was blasting the fact that Dublin have been cited as having the best fans in the country, the 'Hill 16' factor if you will. This imbecile said: "If the Dublin fans are so great, how come they only have 60,000 at their matches out of a population of 1.2 million. News flash buddy, first things first. Croke Park can only hold 82,000, not 1.2 million. Secondly, Dublin only ever get a maximum of 60,000 tickets, the other 22,000 is for other fans of the team against Dublin and the other matches that take place earlier in the day!!!

Will I be disappointed if Dublin lose against Kerry?

No, they've done the capital proud. The only way I would be terribly disappointed is if they give away an 8 point advantage, not that that's ever happened before..... :P

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 7

Yes I know it's been a long time, what with the AVGN posts and the Greatest of All Time and all that stuff, but now the time has come for the next round of GMG reports.

This particular one though has been boiling away for a while, slowly churning my insides, waiting to erupt in a spectacular explosion of rage, ruthless aggression, pimples, styrofoam cups and all inanimate objects I am willing to hit so long as I won't regret my actions moments later. For months I have been unable to express my rage and disgust at certain things but last Sunday the little ticker timer in my brain reached zero.

Who do I thank for finally letting me explode......

Well....more RTE SPORT to be precise, but the only RTE sport logo I could find was too small, and didn't give the dramatic impact of such a large logo that I wanted!

Anyway.... So what's my beef with RTE sport? Their coverage and broadcasting rights? No. Their dedication to every sport they can get their hands on? No. Their commentators and sports analysts? No. Wait. YES!! That's the one.

I'll start way back when this particular beefing was a mere cocktail sausage (don't fuck with me over the fact that a sausage is in fact pork and not beef alright!). Let me take you back to the summer of 2006. A fairly warm summer if I do remember, though definitely an infinite amount of times better than this summer. Yes weather, I will have a good grinding over you in time... What happened in the summer of 2006? My leaving cert? Yes. My last Gaeltacht? Yes. The happiest moment of my life? Yes. A solar eclipse? No. The Germany World Cup? YES!

Ah, the Germany World Cup. I was routing for Germany you know, even bought a jersey there when I was over for the Ireland match after the World Cup. In fact I'm wearing it right now as of 16:54 on July 17th 2007. Ah memories.

Anyways, the World Cup. Of course RTE had coverage rights to broadcast all the testosterone filled action right here to our own TV sets. But what pissed me off most? Bill O'Herlihy (sp?), John Giles, Eamon Dunphy, Liam Brady and co. What was wrong you ask? Well perhaps it was the fact that no team in the entire tournament was playing good enough. Yes that's right. At the end of every match, with the exception of the Final obviously, the lads were keen to mention how every team was playing poorly, below par football and what else. For me, this spoiled the enjoyment of the games as this would piss me off greatly.

But my disatisfaction with the lads didn't end there. Bring on the 2006/2007 Premiership title race. The contenders; Manchester United and Chelsea. What were the two key things this panel was concerned with? United's Cristiano Ronaldo and Chelsea's summer purchases bonanza. And who won the title and played the best football all year? Why Manchester United of course. Did the panel think that? Oh no. Chelsea were the best team, because they spent the most money buying players who ironically had no impact, if any, on the teams performance during the season. Cristiano Ronaldo was obvious the most overrated player of the year, and yet not only managed to win both PFA Young Player of the Year and PFA Player of the Year, but also scored more goals than the entire Manchester City team scored at home. The lads never once acknowledged any of this fact, because they are anti-United.

Don't think for one second however that it stops there. Enter the world of GAA. And this my friends is the very reason I just had to write this blog. If the soccer panel is anti-United, then the GAA panel is most certainly anti-Dublin.

Last Sunday, the Dubs cruised home with a thrilling performance beating Laois in the Leinster Final. Dublin's third succesive Leinster crown I might add. What could be criticised about the Dublin performance? Well perhaps the bried period of about 5-10 minutes in the second half where the Dublin forwards went to sleep for a bit, but what did Pat Spilane suggest? That Dublin were the one team in the country that was the main example of the aggressive nature of the game. Two words stuck into one Pat, bullshit. The particular incidents he was referring to was Mark Vaughan throwing his fists in the air in front of a Laois player after scoring Dublin's first goal and Alan Brogan waving goodbye in front of the Laois goalkeepers face and then raising his fists in the air at the crowd.

What isn't mentioned is how these two incidents were provoked. The first, right after Vaughan scores, the offending Laois back tried to reef him as he was running away to celebrate the goal. The second instance was where two Laois players squared up to Brogan, and rather do the stupid thing of throwing a punch, Brogan did the slight less stupid thing of pissing them off further. This was also to the same Laois keeper that on two occasions cheated on the kick out when the referee's back was turned by taking the kick further away not on the required spot, which allowed for short unmarked kick outs which wouldn't happen under normal circumstances. These things can't be avoided, but actions like Brogan's and Vaughan's are brought out from the intensity of the game. To suggest that Dublin are the only team responsible is ludicrous. Remind me which two teams fought it out in the tunnel before the match....that would be Cork and Clare. And on which team did one player punch another much younger player to the ground during training? That would be Meath. Which team deliberately started their warm-up in front of Hill 16 in last years All Ireland Semi Final against Dublin? That would be Mayo.

See RTE, you're just pissing people off, if it wasn't for Tommy Lyons (former Dublin manager) in the Studio last Sunday, then all the country folk would have had a great lashing at the Dubs and their intimidating.

God it was good to get that off my chest!!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 6

This Issue of Grinds My Gears is all about something, which I think it is more than fair to say, affects all of us. Practically everyday it affects us, unless of course for some reason you don't ever watch the TV. I'm talking about those annoying adverts/commercials. Not the good ones....I'm talking about the bad ones!

Originally I wanted to do like a "Top 10 Worst Ads", but as I started to research for this Issue, it became all too apparent that there were so many terrible ads out there, all equally as bad as the next, and I realised that it would be impossible for me to put them in some kind of table. As such, I will give each ad a 'Broken Gear' rating (out of 10). The more gears get grinded, the easier they break. The more 'Broken Gears', the worse the ad. So...let's begin!

Crazy Frog

Without a doubt THE MOST ANNOYING thing (no pun intended, that's his official name!) ever to hit our screens. Thankfully nowadays the Crazy Frog hype has much defused, but I'm told he's still selling records. For some Godforsaken reason, he was number 1 across most of Europe at the time, as well as New Zealand and Australia. How many times was that motherfucking ad on the TV???? I honestly can't tell you. Obviously not enough because even the hallowed Discovery Channel showed it. Right in the middle of an American Chopper ad break!!! Did you know he had three albums? It is simply beyond words how much I hate this character. Did you know he also has merchandise? Toys and video games? And to top it all off, there is talk of a TV series?!?!?!?!?! Sticking with this topic, ANY ad from Jamster or similar companies do my head in. "No, I do not want a Vicky Pollard impersonator as my ringtone, nor do I want a ringtone that simulates an actual phone ringing!” Does anyone actually buy these things? If you do, I will have to shoot you.

There's just too much on this single topic alone, and I couldn't be bothered to go name and shame each one of these mobile companies, just buy one of the cheaper tabloid, they're full of them.

Ad Rating: 10 Broken Gears....simply awful.

Frosties

Now you might be saying: "Hey! There's nothing wrong with Frosties!!!” And I'd say "Yes, you’re absolutely right". They are a great cereal, but let me draw your attention to a few things in the ad. Here are the song lyrics:

They're gonna taste great (x3)
I can hear the sound of Frosties hitting my plate
They're gonna taste great,
With Tony ma mate
Everybody knows Frosties taste great
Even ladies who wait or a pi - rate
And your teenage brother who’s out on a date
If you live in Aus mate
Or the Empire State
Even ladies with person-o-listed number plates.
Or a bloke in a crate
Well he knows they taste great.
They're gonna taste greeeeaaaaaat (x4)

1. Just because 'plate' rhymes with 'great', don't shoehom it into a song about a cereal that is eaten from a BOWL.

2. The irritating kid in general. The haircut, his orange top, blue shorts....nice try, but a Bart Simpson he is not I'm afraid.

3. The hand movement Tony the Tiger does all the time. What is that? He almost makes Tim Westwood (host of Pimp My Ride UK) look credible...well...almost...you know what I mean.

4. There seems to be some kindof anti-women feel here, with reference to the 'person-o-listed number plates, and those who wait (?). Honestly, I really don't know what they're at there.

5. The lyrics are simply god awful.....like my God...just LOOK at them!!!!

The real question is how long it will be until “Greeeaaaaaat!” is replaced by “Grrrr88888t”!

Ad Rating: 6 Broken Gears...not annoying...but God awful.

Shelia's Wheels

What's wrong with this ad? Well...the fact that in the ad they don't wear seatbelts or even hold onto the wheel. Or would it be that at one point they have a squirrel driving the car, which I'm pretty sure can't reach the pedals or see over the wheel. Or MAYBE it's the fact that they are sitting in the backseat for a good portion and are looking directly behind them. As an ad "For ladies who insure their cars..." it's a pretty bad example. They'd want to start fucking insuring their cars if they are going to drive like that. My bet is that they wouldn't get cover...unless it was for Sheila's. They must rack up a couple of claims everyday.

Ad Rating: 7 Broken Gears...simply stupid and that annoying song.

Lynx Ads

Normally I wouldn't complain about Lynx ads, but the whole thing in the new one is just....I mean the woman in it is totally un-sexy. It’s some Spanish/Mexican bullshit that doesn't seem to translate at all into our culture. I'm fully aware that older men are attractive to some but.....God...it's all just wrong. And now everyone is doing the Bom-shicka-wah-wah thing. It's just plain annoying. It also seems evident that Lynx are more into advertising the new way their cans work as opposed to what the deodorant smells like.

Ad Rating: 6 Broken Gears....what were they thinking?
New Maltesers Ad

I'm sure you've seen it. The woman complains she doesn't feel naughty enough after eating the Malteser so she flashes some fella. Because people eat chocolate to feel naughty, obviously. And she doesn't even flash him, she just shows her bra, and the guy goes all psycho jumping over the desk like he's never seen a pair of breasts before and they're something terrifying and new?!?! Sticking with Maltesers, do you know the one where they're all jumping around the city on those red balls....I couldn't find it but sources tell me it was advertising that Maltesers are good for weight loss....what I could remember is that all the women...yes no men were in it....were all in good shape. Are Maltesers trying to hint that they are a women only chocolate??? Bring back the one with the packet on the dashboard or the straw thing...please.

Ad Rating: 5 Broken Gears...not too bad, just asks questions??

Irish Pride Ads

Just a quick mention of these. Am I proud of this brand of bread? No. Is anyone proud? I doubt it. These are the ads where they have attendants carrying the bread out to the car in the rain under an umbrella so they don't get wet. Yeah...those ones.

Ad Rating: 5 Broken Gears....there's only a few of them, but they make us look stupid.

Senokot

The ads for constipation and all that crap. Or even the one for Danone Actimel. The one I'm talking about is where the two ladies are discussing being bloated.

"How are you Sarah?"

"I'm feeling a bit bloated."

Who the hell says that? I ask you. Plus, the idea of two people discussing being bloated is kindof off putting for an ad anyway. And then your one robs them at the end!!! If I was the other one I'd grab that bitch, layeth the smackdown and rockbottom her though the kitchen table!

Ad Rating: 4 Broken Gears....weird and undesirable.

Kinder

The biggest problem with me for these ads is that they are dubbed. Dubbed VERY badly.
Notice how the Kinder (which literally means Child AFAIK) children always look like the result of an Aryian eugenics programme. What do you think? There's also another one where there's this Hippo, and he crashes in on a family's quiet afternoon in the museum. At some point he tells the kids the world is flat....I won't go on.

Ad Rating: 7 Broken Gears....badly dubbed, and just stupid.

The Debt Solvers and Personal Claims Ads

First thing: there are far too many of these ads going around, both the ones that claim to solve all your debt problems and those that make you get money for an accident. They always show them on music channels...which begs the question, why?! People watching music channels are generally younger and don't really care about consolidating their loans and credit card bills into one manageable account with a interest rate higher than the moon. Do we care about Timmy O'Toole’s claim after he fell on a wet floor after having not read the signs? And I'm sorry, but I have YET to be in ANY kind of building where they don't put up 'Wet Floor' signs.

Notice the fact how all these money ads are British....it raises a question...doesn't it?

Not entirely related but also money matters, our own TV license ads. Simply stupid, not believable, etc. Not to mention the acting is terrible, but the 'embarrassment' seems very artificial. And the actual TV license inspector? Seems like he failed the Chief Inspector exam more than one time.

Ad Rating: 7 Broken Gears....too frequent, all say the same thing.

Finally
These last few are just a list of ads that are silly, repetitive, annoying, etc.
Those bloody Vauxhall ads with that annoying pug faced child. I'm sure he knows THAT much about cars, he is after all about 10.

Cilit bang!!!!!!! The remix is top notch ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHGE7bO6Mg8

The “Kandoo” adds, "I can do it too with Kandoo", where a frog wipes his ass!!!! Hilarious!

The Meteor ad with the cats. Like obviously they have such a select group of friends that they ALL are on Meteor AND they ALL have bill-pay. Now that’s very handy indeed.

New Ad for skin care treatment with Jessica Simpson. On every break on MTV, about 4 minutes long. Painful viewing. Go make a cup of tea while its on.

The HB ads with the Goths. I'm not really sure where it's going, like HB is trying to be more with the times.....

That blasted Budweiser ad where those idiots drag a whole heap of crap behind them on their way to a BBQ. It's just stupid. And the newer one with the guy screaming....help me please.

Needless to say, anything that advertises Big Brother in any way, shape or form gets an automatic 10 Broken Gears.

If there's any ad that Grinds YOUR Gears, please leave it in a comment.

Repairing my Gears for the next installment!

~The Damo

Grinds My Gears - Issue 4

This one is going to tackle the abomination of the modern world, Medusa's hair, the paper cut you get from a fresh 1000 page Physics book, the lumby bits in vomit, the spam in your inbox, the bits of onion you find in a roll from the Kokonut, the stuff you get in your eyes when you wake up in the morning, the lint from your bellybutton.....aka Paris Hilton.

I'm not sure where to begin really, there's a lot of material to go on, so I'll do my best to try and explain to you why Paris Hilton wears by abrasion my assembly that performs a specific function in a larger machine; or Grinds My Gears for short.

Okay then..Paris Hilton: according to wikipedia, she is a singer, actress and fashion model. Unofficially she is also of course a stupid spoiled whore (South Park), an unlicenced porn star and many more. Why is she famous? Much like Jade Goody, this illudes the best of us, she is an heiress to the share of the Hilton Hotel fortune and the real estate fortune of her father. What did she do? What merits her stardom? Nothing. She has done nothing. Much like Jade Goody, she has a "career" which she shouldn't have. It's only because of the fact that she has a lot of money that she is an "actress", "singer" and "fashion model". I use the inverted commas there because as we all know, she is in reality none of these.

Like Big Brother, her popularity stuns me. People seem to like her...and idolise her??? What are they thinking? South Park hit the nail on the head in the episode featuring Paris Hilton. Everything was perfect. In Sweet 16, there was one girl who (like Paris Hilton) will be an heiress to a fortune, and wants to be (and I quote): "Just like Paris Hiltion". Honestly. Will she release "stolen" sex tapes too? I'm pretty sure it's illegal for 16 year old to do that anyway.

Her music career. Well...she has one only because she has a lot of money....and wants to make more. Like all female popstars, little girls want to be just like them. Britney and Christina had the same thing for a while, but I'm pretty sure that most sane girls don't want to be like Britney anymore....unless they want to have two babies one after the other, marry a nobody, get pissed, go commando and shave their heads.....But anyway, this is about Ms. Hilton. Her acting career....like the music one, she only has it because she has money, and if people see that she stars in a film, they'll go to see it...because everybody loves Paris Hilton. I wouldn't go see a film just because she's in it. Now Sarah Michelle Gellar....definitely...that's the only reason I agreed to go see Scooby Doo!! Her TV career was inspired by her sudden fame for her inheritence. Starring in The Simple Life for four series I think alongside Nicole Richie. Needless to say I didn't watch any of it. I would sooner watch Celebrity Love Island...well....maybe. It fits into the character of 'cancer' for TV, whilst I'd say Paris herself is close to AIDS status.

Now the interesting bit. It seems that when Paris isn't in the news enough, she needs to get into the news. This usually happens in three ways. One: get drunk, get pulled over and make sure people see it happen. Two: go out clubbing with her best mates Britney and Lindsay, making sure they are wearing no underwear so the cameras can get a nice and clear worms-eye view of you know where. Or Three: release a sex tape. Sorry. Did I say 'release'? I meant, have one stolen. I'm sure that when (or more so if) someone breaks into Paris' house, they go to the big press marked: "Secret Sex Tapes" and steal one or two. As far as I know there are only three stolen ones: the one with her boyfriend and nightcam, the lesbian one, and the new one featuring some dude, Paris and a bathtub. To further increase the popularity of these sex tapes (and there is no doubt that they are popular), Paris will try to steal one from some video store. In one of VH1's "Celebrity Scandals" or whatever its called, they showed a clip of Paris stealing one video from a shelf, where the entire shelf was full of them. I'm sure the clerk would've given it to her for free if she needed to see herself in action.

Other interesting areas include Paris' phone...that was....guess...stolen. Including 100's of Celebrity numbers and what not. Now that was entertainment. To make matters better, the numbers contained in the phone were uploaded to the internet. Also included in the phone were pictures of her naked and I think a few others aswell. She obviously had forgotten what her breasts had looked like from the time she got dressed to the time she got into the car. Though with Paris she probably goes a few days without changing given that she's such a party gal. But she would need to get undressed to have video taped sex with all those men....or maybe she doesn't get un-dressed for them at all......

What else could Paris still do? Well I think she's covered the sex industry quite well enough, I'm not sure whether there's anything left for her to do there. Maybe do some directing?

I guess the only thing she can do now is star in Big Brother. If sooo many people love Paris and sooo many people love Big Brother...I mean....it would be incredible...and not 'incredible' in a good way. The AIDS of the Celebworld hand-in-hand with the AIDS of TV.....the media....I mean...Jesus....it would be a massive tidal wave of sex, scandal, bitch fights and everything. And what's worse is that her "career" would probably still be intact after being on Big Brother...and everyone would still love her. She needs to be terminated.........soon.

Over and out from the DIA Dungeons.

~The Damo Volcano

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 3

This is slightly different as I'll be bashing two different topics in this one, so we'll just take it as it comes.

Dublin Bus

This isn't so much a gripe at the company, it's more the people than anything else. What particularly annoys me is when people, with money, queue in the ticket line, and hold up everyone in the ticket line who actually has a ticket. That's part of the point of the ticket, so you can get on faster. It's invisible to the naked eye as they conceal their change in their hands, just as easily as one could conceal a ticket, and suddenly, when you're the guy behind them, they stop moving and you realise that they are waiting for a break in the other goddamn queue!!!

Another thing that I need to address is people with headphones. Now I use headphones on the bus aswell, but what I'm on about is those who have the volume up to the max, so you can hear what they are listening to and should they sit beside you, the only way you can indicate that you want to get off is by lifting your bag up off the floor and leaning to one side. God help those who have no bag.

That's another thing...bags! I carry one, sometimes two bags, depending on the day, with me on the bus. Should I be sitting down I'll rest one on my knees, the other at my feet, not like some who take up the whole seat with their bags or their change purses. Last week for instance, a woman got on with what could only be a full weeks shopping and casually occupied the whole side row on the left near the front of the bus (this was one of the older buses with two doors). Like what the fuck? That's what the baggage hold is for!

One more thing has got to be people that brings unfolded buggies onto the bus when the bus is already crammed with people like a tin of sardines. This has only become an issue since the 'buggy/wheelchair' space was introduced. Before that people had no problem folding up the buggy. But not now. By leaving the buggy open, they use up a significant portion of quality standing space. If they only folded it, and put it on the luggage rack, I'm sure someone would quite happily give up their seat for the mother/father with the child.

All of these issues depend greatly on what bus route you get and where you get it from. If you want to experience any of these problems just get one of the Lucan buses from Westmoreland Street, or if you want to experience all of these problems, try (and I mean TRY!) to get the 25A from Heuston Station.

MTV

I think the issue of MTV is one which everyone is already well aware of. Nevertheless, I shall try to construct a coherent argument on why it annoys me so much. I suppose a good place to start is in the stations name: MTV - Music Television. Music Television. Once more just in case you didn't get it: M-U-S-I-C Television. Now that that's been properly addressed I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. Remember back in the day, when we had Nirvana with the sensational "Smells Like Teen Spirit", and how it was on almost once every half hour (and before you say anything I realise I was about 4 or 5 at the time but I remember seeing the song, sure I didn't know what it was about then but I can't really say I'm any further enlightened today either!). That was when MTV played music. Now I know they try to do that now, with lame request shows and what not but seriously, the only channel you can see music on is E4, or if you are a Sky Digital fan you have an array of over 20 different pure music channels to choose from, be it the soft classics of 'Magic' or the heavy anthems of 'Kerrang!'.

So what is MTV now. Well that's hard to say really. A reality tv channel...that's fairly accurate, as I can only think of "South Park" and "Drawn Together" off the top of my head which aren't reality tv in the usual sence. I'll do my best now to list of the reality tv shows on offer courtesy of MTV: Newlyweds, MADE, Pimp My Ride (UK), Date My Mom, NeXt, Laguna Beach, Little Talent Show, The Osbournes (when it was on), The Ashely Simpson Show, Punk'd, Viva la Bam, Dismissed, Making the Band, Sweet 16, The Real World, Run's House, Meet the Barkers, Boiling Point, Wanna Come in? and so on. With the exception of maybe one or two of these programmes, the rest are pretty rubbish, taking into account the vast array of spoiled bitched we have who think they are too good for the world, the innumerable white blokes who think they're black and fail to pull it off, the bottom of the barrel celebrities (Jessica and Ashlee Simpson come to mind) and so on. MTV has come under extremely heavy criticism for the way it's now directing it's tv. To make matters worse, MTV UK then invests in the same disastrous programming such as Pimp My Ride and Date My Mom. I don't need to point out how terrible Westwood is at trying to be like X. On the point of Date My Mom, I have to say it is quite possibly the most "wrong" programme in existence. Young guys going out with older women just so they can get at their daughters.....please.

That's not to say all these programmes are bad. Boiling Points, MADE and Punk'd have their moments, though I can't say too much for others. I mean how many times to we need to see domestically challenged Jessica Simpson try to fry a piece of chicken or see some lesbian say "Next" to some other girl because she doesn't wear a bra or see two people bitchin' at each other in Laguna Beach. It's all close up there with the biggest disease of them all - Big Brother. Big Brother is like the AIDS of tv - you can't stop it, it just spreads to everyone and everywhere, with other reality tv like cancer - you can treat it with some doses of Mythbusters or American Chopper. Once you're hooked on BB there's no treatment.

If I could purge the world of these programmes I would, but sadly I'm only one man.

Who will join me?

Probably not you....

Ace Rimmer will me help me!!!

~Damien

P.S. - Which of the following do you prefer as an opposite article to GMG, it'll be about things I like and things that make me happy. The choices are: "Lubs My Gears", "Tickles My Pickle" or "Flying High in the Sky"?

Grinds My Gears!! - Issue 2

Keeping with the trend of the last issue, I'm going to continue on my slashing of bad tv with a gear grinding on new Irish dramas on RTÉ. Some of these are old-ish so I'll try my best to recall for you what they were all about.

The Big Bow Wow
This one was set in Dublin, and was mainly centered around the sex lives of several characters. One prostitute, two homosexuals, three students, a teacher having an affair with one student, two brothers sleeping with the prostitute and two particular office workers and one of their fathers. The general plot of the whole thing was pretty bogey in case you can't see that from the characters.

"The Big Bow Wow" itself was a bar, which frequently featured, hence the shows name. It's virtually impossible for me to re-call any events as the show never continued past its first series - an indication of how awful it was. I guess they figured the theme of sex would drag audiences to it. Obviously not, as one of the few episodes I actually watched had the prostitute make love to one of the brothers in the bathroom of the BBW.

Here's a link to a video review of the 3rd episode:

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.rte.ie/tv/bigbowwow/images/end_side.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.rte.ie/tv/bigbowwow/&h=121&w=178&sz=4&hl=en&start=3&tbnid=1hevl98dhgQjmM:&tbnh=69&tbnw=101&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbig%2Bbow%2Bwow%2Btv%26gbv%3D2%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff

I think in total I watched 3 out of the 13 episodes, which were in a row, as I actually thought it might be good to watch. Thankfully no. In the 3 episodes I watched it was pretty difficult to tell where anything was going, characters were pretty lame with no real background at all.

Irish Drama Cac-rating: 6/10

Love is the Drug
This follows the BBW on so many fronts. Main theme is also love (surprise-surprise) and sex. Only in this case RTÉ must have thought that taking the action out of Dublin and to Dundalk would up the interests of the nation. No. This one is centered around a family. Father, mother, three sons. The parents are having difficulties in their sex lives and so try to spice things up with vibrators, oral sex and the likes after meeting another 'active' couple. The eldest son is getting married but is having trouble with impotence, the second has no love life at all and the youngest has a girlfriend going to college.

Once again the characters are exceptionally lame. I actually watched all of this as it preceeded whatever it was I wanted to watch on Monday nights. Like BBW, Love is the Drug lasted one series.

Irish Drama Cac-rating: 7/10

Pure Mule
Set in 'rural' Ireland - no big town or city - Pure Mule focuses on....guess what...the sex lives of two brothers. Can you see the trend in the themes of these programmes? Though not as long episode wise at the previous two, Pure Mule had generated much more hype, and actually lived up to an extent to its hype. Characters were slightly better but the recurring theme of sex in these dramas gets very old very quickly.

Irish Drama Cac-rating: 5/10

Trouble in Paradise
Where to actually begin??? After trying to watch this first episode I think it's impossible for me to put together a fair argument. I mean...what time period is it set in?? Why are there cowboys?? Why does it suck so much?? I won't go any further. If any of you have tried to watch this like I have, you can understand where I'm coming from. I do believe this is a one series deal.

Irish Drama Cac-rating: 10/10

So now you ask: "But you didn't really grind your gears over this??" Well I'm getting to that now! The real question here is why do RTÉ continue to broadcast this rubbish. The evidence that none of the above have ever attracted enough attention to merit a second series is indication enough of how terrible they are. Why should our tv schedule have to suffer on Mondays? The new series of Scrubs has been airing in the US for three months now. Why have RTÉ yet to get it here? Even a lame episode of Scrubs (of which there are very few, in fact quite possibly none) far surpasses anything that the above could produce on a "good" day. Sure there are things like Dan and Becs which are decent at best, but we really need something worth viewing. Is it a sign of how Irish writers approach modern Ireland? Is Trouble in Paradise an image of this country we want to show to the world? I think not. While it isn't totally right that we should rely on American or British dramas, instead, RTÉ needs to get the finger out and stop fucking around with these excuses for Irish drama.

~Damien

Grinds My Gears!! - Special

This is a special issue of Grinds My Gears, I'll be doing these usually based on particular events that have effected me over the week(s). The regular issue of Grinds My Gears as you have no doubt realised by now is a gear grinding on a more public issue/event.

I'll start on a positive note first about the week in general.

My "Week" Rating: 8/10 - overall a good week for me, though I did feel it was going to be kinda depressing, Valentines Day mostly, I did actually feel good on the day that my package (thankfully) was delivered. Though I did hear of some other events relating to the Assumption and 'packages'. Managed to get someone talking online for nearly an hour. College was the usual cafuffle, sit in a lecture, crack jokes, slag the professor, eat food etc. The only downside, which is why I gave it a score of 8 was my phone has started glitching up and I need a new one. The biggest loss is the several quality games I have on it which I can't transfer over to a new phone.

Tell me your "Week" rating and why you gave it that in the comments!

Okay, that done and dusted, down to the ironworks. In case you aren't aware, I am having great difficulty in finding any remote interest in the "Mechanics for Engineers" lectures. This is a universal opinion shared amongst all first year engineers. I'll do my best to give you the blog reader an explanation for this skull drilling class.

Number 1 - The Material: Ignoring the fact that we did vectors for both Physics 1 and Maths 2 last semester, initially having to sit through the same crap is bad enough. What makes Mechanics particularly worse than the previous modules is that it takes vectors and everything about them to a whole new level. The concept of vectors is quite simple, that's not the issue here, it's the way the material is presented to us that is the problem. Overly complicated solutions and lack of the lecturer actually doing the questions is a good place to start.

Number 2 - The Lecturer: I couldn't tell you here name like I could anyone else. Why? Well, she mentioned it only once at the very start and hasn't mentioned it since. Now most of the time that isn't an issue, as the lecturer will have his/her name on the slides on the screen....but no...not her....want to know why? Well for a start they're not even her f****n notes!! Yes, believe it or believe it not I was oblivious to this fact until I printed off the notes and looked at them. Granted I was confused as to why the lb's (pounds) and inches were being used at the start but it was only on discovering that the notes are written by a 'Ferdinand P. Beer' from Texas University that it all made sense. What makes the whole experience worse is the fact that she learns the slides off my heart and never deviates from the slide material, not even to explain how to break down components and the likes. (I won't bore you with Mechanics details). The lack of particularly good English doesn't help much either, as she kept refering to a 'graph' in a previous slide, which we all looked back on to check only to find no such 'graph'. She was in fact talking about a 'picture'. Along with the exact re-iteration of the contents of the notes, the monotone voice hardly helps the matter. Needless to say, if she put in any kind of effort into making her own notes and using the blackboard once or twice, she might have more respect from us.

Number 3 - The Tutorials: Regretfully I have to say that this is the best part of Mechanics. Undoubtedly the assistants were not lectured by her and have a good working knowledge of the subject. They can do the question very clearly and I actually now have a much better grasp on the whole moments and lines of action of a force.

What can be done? I don't know. At one point in the lecture I said to myself: "Surely it must be over by now!", only to find that 20 minutes had passed. Master Sykes actually admitted to having dosed off, and if it wasn't for Kev having his laptop certain days I would surely grab a drill and drive it through my skull. We thought Maths for Engineers 1 was boring because the lecturer was boring and we thought Chemistry was just boring in general, but Vector Mechanics for Engineers is a combination of the two, an unstoppanle tidal wave of boredom, reeking of uninteresting rubbish.

The last thing I need to mention is a particular event which occured on the bus the other day. Breast-feeding in public. I'll take this opportunity to quote one Alan Byrne's (Wolfy's) blog on this matter from his Bebo page:

"You know what really grinds my gears (thanx damo, lol) Breast feeding in public. It's just not right. If i got half naked in public I think a few people would have a problem with it. So far I've heard maybe one or two really shit points in favour of it. First: "But it's a beautiful thing." Hell i agree with that one. It is a beautiful thing, but I don't wanna see a fuckin baby attached to it. Second: "But it's natural" Yeah so is taking a shit but I don't think I'd be allowed to drop my cacks in the middle of a shopping centre and take a dump. Erm that's all I got right now. But you get the point. It's just not on."

In my case, I was sitting on the inside seat on the left hand side facing the forward direction of the bus. Two Eastern European women got on and one sat beside me, the other in front of me. Both were carrying young children. At a particular point the child beside me started crying, and what did the mother do to shut him up??? She plopped out here left breast (the one nearest me of course) and started feeding the child. She didn't even try to conceal it through her jacket, instead right out in front of me. To make matters worse the woman in front seemed to think it was feeding time aswell! No doubt the person beside her felt just as uncomfortable as I did. The icing on the cake was that my stop was coming up in a few minutes!! I kept thinking about how I was going to get her to move. But thankfully the child had enough just in time and I was able to escape.

Wolfy couldn't have put it any simpler: "It's just not on!"

I'll be back for Breakfast!

~Damien